The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
