I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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