Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
