I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize