We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
