Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
