Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Holy sore nipples Batman
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
