Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
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im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
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We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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