I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize