He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
