did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
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I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
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My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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