i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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