OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
