i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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