I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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