i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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