Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
