I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
