we're chasing vodka with high fives
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
