I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
