She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
