the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize