Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
