Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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