Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
