I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
