you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
