I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
