After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
