I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
