never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
