Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
