my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
