Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
