Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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