sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
