btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
