Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
