She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
