spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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