We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
