Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
