I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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