Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
