as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He shit in the fireplace
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
