I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
