I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
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