john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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