she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
