Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
