Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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