I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
