I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We are all done wearing pants today
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
