I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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