New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
