Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
