You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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