I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
