last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
