I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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