Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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