My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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